Sunday, November 1, 2015

The Penguin



I may have been only three years old or so, but I loved an adventure.  I also loved my dad – Mel Brady.  I would go anywhere with him – just to be with him.  That pretty much happened my whole life.  Dad was a dynamic man – always moving, quickly, to the next thing. 

He and Mom (Randolyn Sharp) were married on June 12, 1950.  I was born on November 19, 1952.  Nineteen months later, my sister, Cindy, was born. About seventeen months after that, my brother, Jim, was born.  Mom was swamped with kid stuff, and I was a busy, curious, loud, fast instigator.  Consequently, Dad became my nearly constant companion.  Wherever he went, I went.  Even to work.  In those days, Dad worked at Kitchen Craft as a commissioned salesman.  As often as possible, he would take me to his small distribution warehouse where he would follow up on orders and make sure his product was shipping to his customers.  That small warehouse is my very earliest memory.

It was somewhat dark, and a little daunting.  The shelves with boxes of pots and pans were stacked high on metal scaffolding and looked scary.  Dad told me that if I climbed on them, which indeed was my plan, that they might fall over and I would get hurt.  I believed him.


There was one item that fascinated me.  I’d never seen anything like it.  It was round, like a ball, but it had a black, stickie-out-thing on each side.  It would sort of roll, but the stickie-out-things stopped it from actually rolling.  It would not bounce at all.  I decided that it was a really terrible ball.  But, it had some awkwardly cute bird-like things on it.  Dad called them pen guns.  I wasn’t sure what a pen gun was, but it looked funny and I liked it.



It stayed in our family all my life.  Even after my parents’ death, I kept it.  I remembered all the times I filled it with ice for a party.  It brings other pleasant memories to me even now.  If this is passing to you, I hope you enjoy it.  But don’t try to bounce it.  It’s still a really terrible ball.




Friday, March 13, 2015

Salient Moments



Of course there are salient moments in my life.  We all have them.  Those moments that  are burned into our brains either because they were wonderful or horrible or funny or uniquely ordinary, those moments that stay with us always, those moments that other people remember differently but we know that what we remember is accurate; those are the moments that give us pause, or perspective, or peace.  In those moments, we come to accept and understand who we are, what confuses us, what seems right to us and how we connect to the world. 

We have thousands of those moments, but like old photographs, with time they fade.  We can bring them back by writing a journal entry, or sharing an experience that other people chronicle, or by a fragrance, a jewel, or a particular word.  Sometimes it doesn’t take much.  Sometimes listening to someone else’s moments will trigger a remembrance of our own moments and we swim through the immediate back to the what-was and animate the memory in the glory of glossy fuzziness.  Other times a location, an interaction, a reference may bring to mind a long inactive, igneous formation of a moment long since cooled and now rewarmed, thawed and dripping into now.

They are worth remembering.  And keeping.  And passing on.  I have a friend who appreciates that and has spent the past several years writing and remembering and poetizing those moments.  He has become masterful at both keeping salient moments and sharing them.  The sharing of them has cost him a lot in money, time and emotion.  He has been dedicated to distilling the distinguished ordinary into an elixir of insight that carries his grandchildren back to his grandparents and introduces them to each other.  He is the teamster of the magic carpet that transmits us all to those indestructible moments that are the DNA of family currency.


Of course, it’s humbling to be trusted with these life-building moments.  They are fragile, yet forever; tinsel, yet steel; twigs yet bricks in the architecture of his life.  He counts himself lucky, and maybe he is.  Or, maybe he was a little more careful than he realized when he decided to go out on a limb and build a family tree that would last for generations.  I’m an appendage to his tree – merely a friend.  But, a dear enough friend that he allowed me passage into his most salient moments.  And thus, they have become mine, and I am better.  Thanks, Quentin.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Not Home...?


“What would I do if I were home…?”  Frantically, I’m running backwards to North Orange County, California, backwards to home.  But, my home isn’t mine.  It’s safely in the hands of others.  I made it for them.  I painted and floored and edited and changed all of it so they would like it.  And they do.  They love it.  They feel like it is their home.  So, I accepted their money and walked away.  But now… now that I’m not home… I’m aimless, project-less, and family-less.  I’ve lost my “go to it-ness.”  I’m reaching and wondering and analyzing.  My familiar touch points are not here.  I feel a need to make new ones.  So, I wonder, “What would I do if I were home?”

It’s a rainy, cold day here in Plano, Texas.  The weather app says it’s snowing, but my front porch says it’s raining.  The temperature is just above freezing.  I know that because the ice on my driveway is now slush.  For the last two days, I’ve stayed inside and enjoyed watching the Food Network and HGTV.  It’s not very often, after all, that I can justify two full days of watching my “classes” on life skills.  But, my body is starting to rebel.  I need to be outside.  I need to walk somewhere familiar.  Or go to my beach.  Or go to my aqua fitness class and see my friends.  Or sit in my hot tub with my sister-in-law. 

I need to see my sister.  I need to watch a ball game with my brother.  I need to host our family dinner.  I need to talk to my son face-to-bearded-face.  I need to hear him play the guitar and sing and tell me about his students and his classes.  I need to sit by my family in church.  I need to be in a time zone where I can talk with my sons in Brasil and Hawaii without either of them being sleepy.  I need my daughter to come home for a visit where she can see her friends and my friends and we all laugh and hug and talk and eat.  I need to do all of the things I did when I was home.

The conundrum is that I AM home.  This Plano Texas condominium is home.  It’s my real home, where I really live and sleep and eat and walk and swim and go to church and talk with my family and text my friends.  This is where I walk while it becomes familiar.  This is where I find my new beach, or lake shore.  This is where I go to my new aqua fitness class and see my new friends.  This is where I need to install a new whirlpool tub and invite my husband to join me.  This is where I make bread.  This is where I write.  This is where I teach.  This is where I learn.  This is where I do things I couldn’t or didn’t do anywhere else.

And yet… it’s not home-home.  For years, I thought my home-home was where I was born.  But, it wasn’t and isn’t.  I started to wonder if my idea of home is where I spent my childhood.  But, we moved a number of times, so there wasn’t just one place to call home.  Then I thought it was where I raised my children.  And, even though I lived and loved there for 25 years, it isn’t home now because they’ve grown and I’ve moved on.  So where does this idea of home come from?  Will I ever really be home-home?

Maybe not.  Maybe I just have to realize that my sense of home-home is unsupported in this world.  I may not ever live around the corner from all of my kids and their families and my siblings and their families and my friends and their families.  I may not ever have everyone I love all together at the same dinner table in the same room.  Ever.  Maybe my sense of home-home is all in my head.  And my heart.  Maybe that’s all any of us ever really get – a head-heart idea of what home is and who is there and how it looks and feels.  It seems to me that home should include my parents.  And their parents.  And maybe even their parents.  It should certainly include my grandchildren, but it can’t include their mother even though I love her because she is their mother, and I'm an ex.  I want to include my step-grandchildren because I love them and I love their mother and of course I need my son with me.  But what about those children’s dad?  I don’t even know him.  How could he be part of my home?

A long time ago I stitched a sampler, which is very unusual for me.  I’m far too impatient to stitch and sew.  But this one mattered because of the sentiment.  It hung on the wall of my children’s home while they grew up. When we moved, I packed it away with all of the ancestral photos that hung on my "genealogy wall."  While on a quest to discover how to feel "at home," I went searching for it the other day.  There it was, surrounded by Bradys and Winters and Delquatros and Petersens and Skinners and Sharps.  It says, “Home is where you can be silent… and still be heard… where you can ask …and find out who you are… where you can share… and love… and grow…

Whoever wrote that sentiment has a much firmer grasp on “home” than I do.  As I read the sampler, I remember my mom and dad making each of those lines come true for me and my sibs.  With concerted effort, I worked to make those things true for my kids.  My oldest son and his wonderful wife are making all of that true for all of their kids.  Maybe that’s the essence of home – making “home” work for the coming generation, so they bring their home with them wherever they are or may go.  Maybe I’m not home because I’ve been fuzzy about what home is.  Maybe it’s not faces at the table.  Maybe it’s faces in my heart.  Maybe in my silence those who are home with me still hear me, no matter where we are.  Maybe it’s all the sharing and loving and growing that has taken place for generations.  Maybe it’s knowing that I can ask and they will help me find out who I am.  Maybe not being home has enlarged my perspective of home.  Maybe I’ve been home all along.


Thursday, February 5, 2015

The Beach


 In the summer of 1969, I was 16 years old.  I had my driver’s license and access to my dad’s ice blue 1960 Oldsmobile 88.  The sweltering summer days in inland Orange County demanded a cool retreat, so my friends piled into my car with towels, baby oil, and just enough cash for an order of tortilla strips, and we took off down Beach Blvd. to our spot at Huntington Beach, state side, lifeguard station #15.

 The groovy music from KRLA filled the car and spilled over onto the highway as we sang at the top of our lungs to an eclectic mix the Beach Boys, Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Doors, and John Denver.  We’d never heard of anyone having hearing loss from constant exposure to loud rock music, so our ears rang as our lungs filled with smog and our nostrils drew in grease and tar from the busy highway.  The air conditioning didn’t work, so our lithe, young bodies perspired freely, mixing the scent of our Bonnie Bell skin care lotion with the highway perfume.

Everybody in southern California surfed.  At least that’s what it seemed like.  However, neither my friends nor I could afford a surf board.  Besides, I couldn’t surf because I couldn’t see the sets.  I had 20:3500 vision and wore contact lenses to correct it, but I couldn’t wear my lenses at the beach because the onshore breeze would blow them out of my eyes.  I wore glasses to drive, but wouldn’t be caught dead wearing glasses at the beach.  As soon as I parked the car, my friends sprung themselves from the four doors of our boss chariot, and I tucked my glasses into my beach bag.  Suddenly, the world became an impressionist’s painting with color but no lines.  The fuzzy interpretation of my surroundings freed me of conformity and my senses were immediately heightened.  I lingered behind my friends, caught in a frenzy of perceptions.   The air was clean and crisp.  It almost hurt to breathe.  The fragrance of salt and sea filled my sinus cavities and I was drawn to the tantalizing source.  I loved sensing the ocean.  I felt its beckoning waves drawing me closer.

As I submerged myself in the foam and brine, the heat melted into a liquid, throbbing coolness.  My long, sun-streaked hair glistened like seaweed on the fleeting lather as it floated away from my shoulders.  My strong, muscled arms propelled me smoothly into deeper water as I dodged the breaking waves by diving under them.  I joined my friends in the crazy catch-a-wave game of body surfing, using ourselves as our surf board and riding the wave to the beach.  Then, pulling ourselves out of the tugging water, we turned again to the sumptuous allure of immersion.

Finally, completely spent, I plodded through the ankle-snappers and the soggy silt to the dry, deliciously warm sand by my towel.  I flopped down, allowing the beach to engulf me just as the water had.  The briny taste of the sea floated down my throat as the saline spray dribbled from my eyelashes and I tilted my chin upward toward the warmth of the sun.  My sandy water-bed surrounded me as the pulsing, rhythmic surf fused with the call of the gulls and the heady scent of baby oil and fried tortillas blended into a whirling harmony of bliss and passage and peace.  




Thursday, January 29, 2015

El Encanto




The Enchanted Drive… in Spanish. 

That was the meaning of the name of the street where our family home was located at 1407 El Encanto Drive, Brea, California, 90621.  I remember saving up to buy that house.  I was a little girl in Downey, California – the oldest of six children.  Our home in Downey was three bedrooms and two bathrooms.  That meant that my sister and I shared a bedroom, and my four brothers shared a bedroom.  They were squished.  There was a bunk bed on one wall and across from that a twin bed and a crib.  Each boy had one drawer in the dresser and one-fourth of the closet for all their clothes and toys.  We didn’t have a lot of clothes and toys, so the closet wasn’t at capacity – in any of our bedrooms. 

The time had come to buy a different house.  My dad was a professor at Cerritos College in Norwalk, California and my mother was a full-time mom, so money was scarce.  My folks knew that we would have to go out – way out – to the hinterlands to find a home that would be large enough for the family and easy enough on the budget.  Dad had a twin sister who lived in Orange County, so that was where the house hunt was centered.

Mom made a 3-foot tall thermometer out of poster board and ribbon, and put it on the bulletin board in the family room/dining room of our Downey home.  We would all pitch in until we could earn enough money for the down payment on a new house.  Dad was in charge of the earnings, and he was great at including us in the adventure.  He would give us “money jobs” around the house and then we could decide if we wanted to donate our money to our new house or keep it to buy candy.  I was all in on the new house concept.  Sounded like heaven to me.

The ribbon on the thermometer grew taller and taller until finally, we had enough for a down payment.  I remember the first time I ever saw the house on El Encanto, or The Enchanted Drive.  It was a sprawling ranch house with four bedrooms and three bathrooms.  That meant a master suite for Mom and Dad, two boys in one bedroom, two boys in another bedroom, and my sister and I in the most beautiful bedroom of all.  Even better, there was a boys’ bathroom and a girls’ bathroom!  Finally!!

I loved the house, but hated the entry hall.  It was a rough, pebbly surface just like the front porch.  It was uncomfortable for bare feet, which I think was the reason my mother kept it all those years.  She preferred that we kept our shoes on.  As you entered the red double doors at the front of the house into that entry all, you could step down into the formal living room.  You could also see the patio and the spacious back yard.  The living room was the only room in the house that was professionally decorated, and it was a beautiful, Mediterranean approach with various greens and deep reds and browns.  The piano was in that room, so our family gathered there frequently to play, sing, listen, chat and learn.

Across from the living room, still off the entry hall was the Master Suite.  It was huge.  My folks bought a king size bed and night stands, as well as a dresser and a highboy, and there was still room to play.  Their bathroom had a large vanity with a huge mirror, and a separate shower and toilet area.  The suite was their sanctuary.  But, since cleaning it was frequently my job, I knew where they kept everything, including where Dad kept those big, fluffy, orange candy peanuts.  They were never safe.  I still get a craving for them sometimes…

Dad’s office was also across from the living room, and adjacent to the Master Suite.  He built in a wall of bookcases that was filled with literary treasures as well as random educational materials.  He built a credenza on the opposite wall, and then his huge desk smack in the middle of what other people used as a dining room.  The desk was enormous.  Cleaning it was a chore.  I had to constantly move around it because I couldn’t stand on one side and reach the other side.  Dad also installed a secretary’s desk on the wall in front of his desk.  My sister or my mom acted as his secretary, as they were both very detail oriented which he appreciated.  I was, and still am, more like him – a “big picture” person.  He and I would sit side by side at his desk and dream about vacations and businesses.  He would ask me about school and life and I would ask him about life and school.  I loved being in his space.

At the end of the entry hall, and on the other side of Dad’s office was the kitchen, dining area and family room – an open concept arrangement that works to this day.  That area was the center of our lives.  Mom made sure that dinner was on the table at 5:30 every night, no matter what.  Dinner was frequently meat and potatoes or a casserole, with an iceberg lettuce salad, tomatoes, green peas, corn or green beans.  There was always homemade bread and jam.  Mom was a good cook with an eye on the budget.  My sister and I were her assistants, and mostly tore lettuce and set the table.  Dinner time with the eight of us was my favorite time of the day.  Dad loved to talk about concepts and realities, and Mom loved to fact-find and share.  The conversations were stimulating and invigorating.  I loved that. Then, eventually the puns would start, and all the boys would try to top each other with the cleverest pun.  To this day, I don’t appreciate that kind of humor.  I wearied of it as a child. When it started, I began clearing the table.  Eventually, after the last terrible pun, Dad would jump up and get everyone into the kitchen for a whirlwind cleaning job – fast and thorough.  Then he would go teach his night class and we’d tackle our homework at the kitchen table.  Sometimes I was still at it when he came home from class at 10:00 pm.  He’d sit by me at the table and we’d figure out my geometry dilemmas… and other of life’s nefarious theories and theorems.


That home is home to me.  It was an enchanted time, when all of my siblings were together and we were each and all uncovering the mysteries and ministries that molded our lives.  We watched a man step on the moon on the TV in the family room, we baked cakes for birthdays and bashes in the kitchen, we argued and reasoned around the table, we cooked and cleaned, we sang, and yelled, and talked and whispered of dreams and demands and decisions.  The El Encanto house helped us center our lives on love that binds us even now.

Naugahyde - Run and Hide!

Saturday mornings are my earliest recollection.  They were magical.  I would get up very early and creep silently down the hall to the TV room.  My sister, ever my sidekick, followed me like a shadow.  Together, we would snuggle down with our blankets on the brown,Naugahyde sofa and be mesmerized by our small, black-and-white treasured television.

It was a morning of good guys versus bad guys, and the good guys just had to win.  They just had to!  At three years old, I was too young to realize that Hollywood had a tried-and-true formula, and that my heroes would always win, no matter what.  I was sure that they were in real jeopardy, and with honest courage and wholesome justice they would conquer the evil, conniving, dangerous strangers.Whether it was Roy Rogers, The Lone Ranger, or Sky King, I ardently wanted right to prevail.

Roy Rogers, the King of the Cowboys, was my iconic champion.  He was strong, smart, and incredibly handsome,   And... he could sing!  He rode his beautiful Palomino, Trigger, and was in full command of his dog, Bullet.  He wasn't perfect - just nearly so.  And I was very concerned that the bad guys would take advantage of his gallant nature and try to hurt him.

Those darn bad guys!  They were always getting my hero into trouble.  They would try to shoot him, sneak up on him, jump on him, hit him with their fists or even with chairs!  All that rough and tumble fighting scared me to death.  I'd hold onto the Naugahyde and my blanket as long as I could stand to watch, but when the King of the Cowboys began to be beaten down, I couldn't take it anymore.  I ran.

I made a mad dash from the TV room straight down the hallway to the living room, with my sister-shadow on my heels.  Then, with my heart pounding, I would sneak back down the hallway while pressing my back to the wall as I had seen Roy, and the Lone Ranger, and Sky King do,

Stealthily, I'd peek around the corner, hoping that the fight was over.  Oh No!  It wasn't! Flee!  Streaking back down the hallway, I'd hide by the fireplace until I was nearly sure that my hero had won.  Then, I'd slither down the wall again, furtively look through my almost-too-tightly closed eyes, to see the bad guys gone or dead, and victoriously snuggle back down on the Naugahyde with my sister and my blanket, confident in the evidence that right would prevail.